Mysteries and Conspiracies

If anyone's interested, here are a few mysteries and conspiracies that I've solved over the last few years:

JFK was assassinated by republicans from the 22nd century who thought they traced the downfall of their party to the rise in power of his administration. They used new technology to travel back in time and eliminate him before this could happen. Unfortunately for him, and them, they were not smart enough to realize that the real cause of their downfall had taken office at the beginning of the 21st century.

Watergate was actually the cover up of an alien plot to take over the world. When the head alien, disguised as a human and calling himself Richard Nixon, realized the plot was about to become exposed, he and his henchmen made it look like they were trying to cover up a plot by his administration to undermine political opposition in the public anti-war movement and the Democratic Party.

Nicole Simpson and Ron Goldman were murdered by a clone of O.J. Simpson. In the early 90’s, scientists were succesful in creating the first human clone. Thinking he was a perfect specimen because of his All American Image on and off the football field, they chose the DNA of O.J.

For the first test they decided to send it to the home of O.J.’s ex-wife to see if she could tell the difference. Unfortuately, the cloning process was not perfected, the clone was mentally unstable, and thinking it was still married to Nicole, it killed both of them in a jealous rage.

Elvis is alive. After tiring of all the public attention, he staged his own death. However he did miss the thrill of live performances and is currently living in Las Vegas doing nightly performances as one of the many Elvis impersonaters.